1
Pressed for Time
Posted by Ashleigh
on
11:51 PM
Wow. Okay, this has been a most stressful day.
So now that I'm absolutely set on leaving York and going to Guelph, I actually decided to send in an application to the school. It turned into much more of a hassle than I thought it would. Typically, you'd think "Okay, fill out the online form, send it in, send some money and poof you're done. Just pray they accept you now. No big deal." Yeah, that's probably true for most human beings on the planet, but not for Briar Rosethorn (well, I guess I can call myself Ashleigh now, but my Wiccan name sounds a hell of a lot cooler). Of course, for me, the person whom the Lord and Lady like to make everything difficult for, ran into a multitude of problems.
Yesterday, I looked at the application deadline for the Creative Writing program at Guelph for this coming Fall, and was panicked to discover that it's May 1st. Fuck. I had to get moving on that application, so I made an OUAC (Ontario Universities Applications Centre) account after tearing my hair out for over an hour because I couldn't remember my old one that I used to apply to York last year, filled out all the information and went to go send it in. The grand total application fee came to exactly $178.00, which is completely non-refundable. Assholes. I was then informed that the only methods of payment are credit card, cheque or money order. I'm not a believer in spending money I don't have, so naturally, I don't have a credit card. I also don't have a chequebook, because my parents were previously taking care of all of my financial needs. I had nothing to do with it. Now that they won't pay for me to go to Guelph, I'm completely out in the water with no life preserve. I have no idea how to do anything or function in the real world at all. My only other option was a money order, but I had no idea what that was or how on Earth I would go about using that method to pay the fee. I had an emotional breakdown where I just sat in front of my computer and cried for a good fifteen minutes, because I felt so stupid and powerless and naive, then realized that crying wasn't going to magically pay the fee and I might as well just go to bed and figure it out at the bank the next day.
So this morning, I woke up extremely stressed out. I rushed to my 9:30am class. It was pouring rain and my boots don't keep out water and it was a long walk from where the bus dropped me off to where my class was so I was drenched when I got there. I couldn't pay attention in class. I think we were talking about a 19th century poem that defended Guinevere's infidelity in the King Arthur legend, but I don't really know the details. Then I rushed to the bank and was so relieved to find that the lady who I asked for help was so kind and wanted to help me so much. I explained to her that I'm 18 years old, my first year out of high school who has suddenly been thrown out on my own with no knowledge or resources to figure out how to function in the real world. She was very understanding and walked me through what a money order was and how to send a money order to someone. She even gave me directions and the bus route to the nearest post office to where I live. All of this hassle to send money made me realize that if I don't have a credit card, I at least need a chequebook now that I'm supporting myself, so I ordered one there today. It cost me about $20.00 and should arrive at the branch in a week or so. Apparently, she has three daughters, two of which are in university and she felt really bad for me and wanted to help. I was so grateful. I was close to another emotional breakdown but I left the bank feeling a lot more in control and confident. Haha, I bet I could do an ad for TD Bank: "I was thrown out on my own with nowhere to turn to for financial advice. I didn't know what to do to fund my education. The kind staff at TD Bank helped me find my way and now I'm in control of my life... and my money. Thank you, TD. Banking really can be this comfortable." Oh yeah. That's gold. Where's my contract?
Anyway, she told me I needed to go to the post office and mail it by one day courier, which of course costs like $15.00. Yay. More money being sucked out of my bank account, but I need to get that application in on time. I planned to go after my last class, but I needed to come to my grandma's first and get my OUAC login code to include in the envelope so they know who's sending them money. I walked around York by myself, stressed out and worried and thinking a lot about something else going on in my life which I'd prefer not to post on a public blog. I went to go deposit $40.00 into my bank account from the bank machines on campus, which now that I think about it, I could have done while I was at the bank, but I'm stupid so I didn't. There were no envelopes left to deposit money so I left, fuming (I was wet, cold, stressed and worried. Little things like that going wrong do not help in that situation). I decided to go sit and stare upstairs for the next couple hours until my next class when I realized I'd forgotten my cell phone at the bank machine. Perfect. Fan-fucking-tastic. I ran back to the bank machine to grab my cell phone, but it wasn't there. I assumed it had been stolen and then I broke down. I needed to contact someone, so I used a school computer to find Chris' cell number on my contacts list in my email, since I don't know it off the top of my head, then broke one of my twenty dollar bills I was going to deposit to get 50 cents back and ran to a pay phone to call Chris. I was crying by then. For some reason, I needed $1.60 to call him, but I didn't have it. I almost threw the phone at the wall, but resisted and went to the Booster Juice near the pay phones to ask for change back for a five. They said they don't do that anymore because it depletes their change supply. I just mumbled a "thank you" but I don't know why. They didn't help me at all. My last resort was going to the lost and found office. Thankfully my phone was there, but I was so emotionally drained by that point that I just collapsed on a bench in the middle of the busiest hallway on campus and cried for a half-hour. Only one girl stopped to ask me if I was okay and that's because she already knows me from the tutorial I'd had that morning. Oh, by the way, I had an assignment due in that class today that I didn't do because of all the stress I'm under. I forgot to mention that earlier. I have six overdue assignments I haven't started on. I'm just drowning at this awful school.
After my crying fit, I fell asleep on a low wall that doubles as seating in the busiest building on campus and woke up an hour before my afternoon class, so I headed there and saved a seat for Jacquelyn. She missed her train in to school so she missed the entire morning and got to our afternoon class literally five minutes before it started. Our original plan was to go to the ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) for a bit that day in between our two classes because students get in free on Tuesdays, but she had a group meeting for a project to go to and cancelled that, then cancelled all her plans with me entirely when she missed her train. It ended up working out, because I needed to go to the bank anyway, so I wasn't too disappointed.
During class, Jacquelyn talked about her ex and how stressed out she was the entire time. I tried to be sympathetic but I just can't deal with her problems right now on top of my own. It's too much. I mostly just made non-committal grunts and the occasional "I know". I was trying to focus on copying my notes, too, because I need at least a 70% average for Guelph to accept me into its Creative Writing program and I'm stressing over that because I haven't been putting a lot of effort into school lately and I really want to go to Guelph next year. I'm so scared of this not working out. If it doesn't work out, I'll have wasted my $190.00 or so that I spent on the application and getting it there, I'll prove my parents right; that I'm stupid and useless in the real world and I can never do anything on my own, and I'll have to live with them next year while I work and figure out what the hell I'm going to do next all the while with them laughing in my face and crushing me down into the dirt like they've always done. I won't go back to York, no matter what, so if I don't end up going to Guelph, I'll be at home working and that will disappoint Chris, which will break my heart. I'll be disappointed in myself, too and will feel like a worthless, stupid deadbeat. I'm taking a huge risk in banking everything on Guelph.
When I got back from school today, I had to talk to Chris about that thing I mentioned earlier that was adding to my stress. Yes, I still choose to keep that confidential. I will tell certain individuals whom I trust, not all of the internet. Turns out, there's no need for it to put stress on either of us anymore but I still have mixed emotions over it. By the time we finished talking, it was too late to go to the post office, which turned out to be good, because I found out that my application never went through properly the first time I sent it and I still needed to confirm my method of payment and print out a remittance form to include in the envelope, otherwise they wouldn't have accepted my payment anyway and I really wouldn't have been going to Guelph next year. Now, I have to leave early to go to the post office tomorrow before class and send it by 1 day courier.
Oh, and as a random side-note, I'm helping my friend Alex find a program to take at college. Woot!
Right now, I'm playing Restaurant City on Facebook, talking to Chris and Alex and trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't start crying. Chris says he'll stay with me all night if I need him to. He's so amazing. I'm so lucky to have him and I never, ever forget that. He's everything I could have ever wanted in life and so much more. I wouldn't have gotten through this awful year without him.
I think I shall end here tonight.
So now that I'm absolutely set on leaving York and going to Guelph, I actually decided to send in an application to the school. It turned into much more of a hassle than I thought it would. Typically, you'd think "Okay, fill out the online form, send it in, send some money and poof you're done. Just pray they accept you now. No big deal." Yeah, that's probably true for most human beings on the planet, but not for Briar Rosethorn (well, I guess I can call myself Ashleigh now, but my Wiccan name sounds a hell of a lot cooler). Of course, for me, the person whom the Lord and Lady like to make everything difficult for, ran into a multitude of problems.
Yesterday, I looked at the application deadline for the Creative Writing program at Guelph for this coming Fall, and was panicked to discover that it's May 1st. Fuck. I had to get moving on that application, so I made an OUAC (Ontario Universities Applications Centre) account after tearing my hair out for over an hour because I couldn't remember my old one that I used to apply to York last year, filled out all the information and went to go send it in. The grand total application fee came to exactly $178.00, which is completely non-refundable. Assholes. I was then informed that the only methods of payment are credit card, cheque or money order. I'm not a believer in spending money I don't have, so naturally, I don't have a credit card. I also don't have a chequebook, because my parents were previously taking care of all of my financial needs. I had nothing to do with it. Now that they won't pay for me to go to Guelph, I'm completely out in the water with no life preserve. I have no idea how to do anything or function in the real world at all. My only other option was a money order, but I had no idea what that was or how on Earth I would go about using that method to pay the fee. I had an emotional breakdown where I just sat in front of my computer and cried for a good fifteen minutes, because I felt so stupid and powerless and naive, then realized that crying wasn't going to magically pay the fee and I might as well just go to bed and figure it out at the bank the next day.
So this morning, I woke up extremely stressed out. I rushed to my 9:30am class. It was pouring rain and my boots don't keep out water and it was a long walk from where the bus dropped me off to where my class was so I was drenched when I got there. I couldn't pay attention in class. I think we were talking about a 19th century poem that defended Guinevere's infidelity in the King Arthur legend, but I don't really know the details. Then I rushed to the bank and was so relieved to find that the lady who I asked for help was so kind and wanted to help me so much. I explained to her that I'm 18 years old, my first year out of high school who has suddenly been thrown out on my own with no knowledge or resources to figure out how to function in the real world. She was very understanding and walked me through what a money order was and how to send a money order to someone. She even gave me directions and the bus route to the nearest post office to where I live. All of this hassle to send money made me realize that if I don't have a credit card, I at least need a chequebook now that I'm supporting myself, so I ordered one there today. It cost me about $20.00 and should arrive at the branch in a week or so. Apparently, she has three daughters, two of which are in university and she felt really bad for me and wanted to help. I was so grateful. I was close to another emotional breakdown but I left the bank feeling a lot more in control and confident. Haha, I bet I could do an ad for TD Bank: "I was thrown out on my own with nowhere to turn to for financial advice. I didn't know what to do to fund my education. The kind staff at TD Bank helped me find my way and now I'm in control of my life... and my money. Thank you, TD. Banking really can be this comfortable." Oh yeah. That's gold. Where's my contract?
Anyway, she told me I needed to go to the post office and mail it by one day courier, which of course costs like $15.00. Yay. More money being sucked out of my bank account, but I need to get that application in on time. I planned to go after my last class, but I needed to come to my grandma's first and get my OUAC login code to include in the envelope so they know who's sending them money. I walked around York by myself, stressed out and worried and thinking a lot about something else going on in my life which I'd prefer not to post on a public blog. I went to go deposit $40.00 into my bank account from the bank machines on campus, which now that I think about it, I could have done while I was at the bank, but I'm stupid so I didn't. There were no envelopes left to deposit money so I left, fuming (I was wet, cold, stressed and worried. Little things like that going wrong do not help in that situation). I decided to go sit and stare upstairs for the next couple hours until my next class when I realized I'd forgotten my cell phone at the bank machine. Perfect. Fan-fucking-tastic. I ran back to the bank machine to grab my cell phone, but it wasn't there. I assumed it had been stolen and then I broke down. I needed to contact someone, so I used a school computer to find Chris' cell number on my contacts list in my email, since I don't know it off the top of my head, then broke one of my twenty dollar bills I was going to deposit to get 50 cents back and ran to a pay phone to call Chris. I was crying by then. For some reason, I needed $1.60 to call him, but I didn't have it. I almost threw the phone at the wall, but resisted and went to the Booster Juice near the pay phones to ask for change back for a five. They said they don't do that anymore because it depletes their change supply. I just mumbled a "thank you" but I don't know why. They didn't help me at all. My last resort was going to the lost and found office. Thankfully my phone was there, but I was so emotionally drained by that point that I just collapsed on a bench in the middle of the busiest hallway on campus and cried for a half-hour. Only one girl stopped to ask me if I was okay and that's because she already knows me from the tutorial I'd had that morning. Oh, by the way, I had an assignment due in that class today that I didn't do because of all the stress I'm under. I forgot to mention that earlier. I have six overdue assignments I haven't started on. I'm just drowning at this awful school.
After my crying fit, I fell asleep on a low wall that doubles as seating in the busiest building on campus and woke up an hour before my afternoon class, so I headed there and saved a seat for Jacquelyn. She missed her train in to school so she missed the entire morning and got to our afternoon class literally five minutes before it started. Our original plan was to go to the ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) for a bit that day in between our two classes because students get in free on Tuesdays, but she had a group meeting for a project to go to and cancelled that, then cancelled all her plans with me entirely when she missed her train. It ended up working out, because I needed to go to the bank anyway, so I wasn't too disappointed.
During class, Jacquelyn talked about her ex and how stressed out she was the entire time. I tried to be sympathetic but I just can't deal with her problems right now on top of my own. It's too much. I mostly just made non-committal grunts and the occasional "I know". I was trying to focus on copying my notes, too, because I need at least a 70% average for Guelph to accept me into its Creative Writing program and I'm stressing over that because I haven't been putting a lot of effort into school lately and I really want to go to Guelph next year. I'm so scared of this not working out. If it doesn't work out, I'll have wasted my $190.00 or so that I spent on the application and getting it there, I'll prove my parents right; that I'm stupid and useless in the real world and I can never do anything on my own, and I'll have to live with them next year while I work and figure out what the hell I'm going to do next all the while with them laughing in my face and crushing me down into the dirt like they've always done. I won't go back to York, no matter what, so if I don't end up going to Guelph, I'll be at home working and that will disappoint Chris, which will break my heart. I'll be disappointed in myself, too and will feel like a worthless, stupid deadbeat. I'm taking a huge risk in banking everything on Guelph.
When I got back from school today, I had to talk to Chris about that thing I mentioned earlier that was adding to my stress. Yes, I still choose to keep that confidential. I will tell certain individuals whom I trust, not all of the internet. Turns out, there's no need for it to put stress on either of us anymore but I still have mixed emotions over it. By the time we finished talking, it was too late to go to the post office, which turned out to be good, because I found out that my application never went through properly the first time I sent it and I still needed to confirm my method of payment and print out a remittance form to include in the envelope, otherwise they wouldn't have accepted my payment anyway and I really wouldn't have been going to Guelph next year. Now, I have to leave early to go to the post office tomorrow before class and send it by 1 day courier.
Oh, and as a random side-note, I'm helping my friend Alex find a program to take at college. Woot!
Right now, I'm playing Restaurant City on Facebook, talking to Chris and Alex and trying to keep my mind occupied so I don't start crying. Chris says he'll stay with me all night if I need him to. He's so amazing. I'm so lucky to have him and I never, ever forget that. He's everything I could have ever wanted in life and so much more. I wouldn't have gotten through this awful year without him.
I think I shall end here tonight.
