Well, currently I'm sitting in my English Literary History lecture, tired and glum, but I can't remember a Monday in this lecture where I haven't been tired and glum. My dad dropped me off at school early this morning, so I had to get up at 7:30am after staying up until 1:30-2:00am. I know I shouldn't have stayed up so late, but I was too stressed out to sleep.

I hadn't talked to my parents about leaving York and going to Guelph next year, and was so upset that I missed my chance. I planned to talk to them about it, but every time I thought of doing it, I got dizzy and sick and my heart started pounding. I knew it would turn into a horrible fight and everything was going so well before that. I didn't want to ruin it all.

Yesterday was really great. I got out of bed at 11:00am or so, lounged a bit, played video games with my brother, Andrew, cuddled with my cats (Mooch even snuggled with me in bed in the morning. It was so sweet of her). I also got to use the computer as much as I wanted, which hardly ever happens when I'm at home because I have to share it with Andrew. My dad even played a golf tournament on the Playstation 3 with Andrew and me and we were all joking and laughing and having fun. I can't remember the last time we did that. I didn't want to mess things up by starting an argument about Guelph.

This morning, I woke up early to pack and go back to Toronto in time for my first class and wasn't planning on bringing anything up, but of course my stupid mouth didn't listen to my brain. My mom, Andrew and I were watching Breakfast Television, and I was already pretty sad, because waking up on a weekday morning at home triggered all kinds of memories that I miss, like when I walked down the stairs today and my dad asked me if I wanted a bagel for breakfast. I wanted to cry, because I remember he used to ask me that every morning after I got my school uniform on and came downstairs to see him. Then I watched Breakfast Television and that's something I always did before school. Then Andrew walked out of his room in my old school uniform and I wanted to put my uniform on again and go wait for the bus with him, but of course I couldn't. I really got choked up when I walked to the car to put my stuff in the back of the car and I saw Buster sitting at the end of the driveway by Andrew's feet; right where he used to wait with me for the bus. I nearly broke down right then and there. I should stop writing about this. I'm starting to tear up in the middle of my lecture.

Anyway, I digressed. The original point was that I was watching Breakfast Television with my mom and Andrew and brought up Guelph when I shouldn't have. There was a bunch of protesters blocking University Avenue in downtown Toronto on a Monday morning (idiots) and no one really knows what the morons are protesting for. My mom said she thinks it has something to do with Sri Lanka, and I was reminded of all the student protests about some injustice or another that happened on the other side of the planet and got angry because like I said in a previous post, I'm so sick of their bullshit social justice. If they really were advocates for equality, they wouldn't have racially and religiously segregated social justice clubs. I blurted out, "I bet they don't have this kind of garbage at Guelph." and my mom freaked out on me and started yelling. She replied with the most ridiculous, childish response I've ever heard from an adult, which was "Oh yeah? Well, Guelph has swine flu! There's been a death in Guelph, but Toronto doesn't have swine flu!" There are a few things wrong with this idiotic statement:

• Obviously, it is childish and immature, because it has absolutely nothing to do with my point and she clearly just wanted something to throw back at me because she knew I had a good point, but didn't want to admit it.
• She lied. I checked into it later and although there've been reports of swine flu in Canada, there have been none in Ontario, let alone any deaths in Ontario.
• What the hell does swine flu have to do with the University of Guelph's academic appeal?

I explained to her how childish this statement was and she just completely flipped and started screaming at me. She told me, "If you want to throw away your education, that's fine! You can pay for your own goddamned education! You're following a boyfriend! I never thought you'd never do that!" and ran out of the house, slamming the door like a temperamental five-year-old. I'd just like to say that I am not following my boyfriend. He doesn't go to Guelph. He goes to Laurier. They're still a good half-hour away from each other, which admittedly is less of a hassle to visit him than being two and a half hours away, but it is still a hassle from Guelph, anyway. Plus, Chris would be really upset if I changed schools just for him. He wants me to get an education that's good for me, but most of all he just wants me to be happy. No one else seems to care one bit about my happiness. I chose to go to Guelph next year because I'm unhappy at York and I'm unhappy in Toronto, I wanted to make a change to a school that fit me better and Guelph is that school. Of course it's nice that I'm closer to Chris. Who doesn't want to be close to the person they love? That's not any of the main reasons why I'm going there, though.

So now I'm applying for OSAP, praying one of my thousand applications I send out land me enough work to make at least enough money for residence, or tuition and books. Either one is fine, as long as I get enough OSAP to cover the other one. The scariest thing about it is that if I'm short of money, my parents won't help me. I also need to apply to Guelph and for residence at Guelph soon.

Okay, now to end this blog on a happy note for once. I know you must have been getting tired of reading depressed post after depressed post from me lately. Andrew has made me realize how fun Little Big Planet is! For those of you who don't know, Little Big Planet is a video game for the Playstation 3 where you're a little person made of burlap sack and fluff. You go around to different areas of Little Big Planet and complete levels to collect stickers and decorations so you can create things in the game. I know... if you haven't played, it sounds incredibly boring, but trust me, I was absolutely convinced that Little Big Planet was just a giant waste of money, but Andrew convinced me to play it and I got hooked. First of all, your little sack person is SO cute! Second of all, the levels are fun to complete rather than just being a giant, frustrating pain in the ass. Thirdly, collecting stickers and decorations is so much fun! Once you collect one, you can use it over and over again forever without ever running out. You have an infinite supply of every sticker you collect and you can put decorations and stickers almost everywhere, even on yourself.

Now, fare thee well, Alex and Chris (because you guys are the only people who read this).