0
Depressing.
Posted by Ashleigh
on
8:53 PM
I'm surprised I even mustered the energy to write in this blog at all today, considering how completely dejected I feel. Today really just completely sold me on the idea of leaving York and going to Guelph. I hate this hellhole. Anyway, I should probably tell you why I feel like utter crap instead of just going "I hate my life! No one understands me! Boo hoo hoo!" because let's face it; the whole world is so tired of listening to the bitchy whining of thirteen year old emo kids.
In my last post, I mentioned that my school went on strike this year for three months and because of this, they've extended the school year until June. Apart from loathing York for this fact in itself and wanting to strangle every single person on Facebook whose statuses are "My last exam today!" and "I'm officially done my first year of university!" for (indirectly) rubbing my misery in my face, this also means that I will still be in school on May 27th. If you remember my last post, you'll know that May 27th is my one year anniversary with Chris. The first year is a very important milestone and I wanted nothing more than to spend all day with him and celebrate. I've been excited about this anniversary since we had our six month anniversary and had all kinds of things planned for that day.
The only way I could get around being in Toronto on our anniversary was if none of my exams happened to fall on the 27th and I could go home for the day and celebrate Chris' and my anniversary. Ever since I found out that I wouldn't get out of school in the middle of April and that my exams ran from the middle of May to the beginning of June, I had hoped and prayed that the 27th would not be taken up with an exam. That was the only day I wanted off. I would have taken any other day gladly; even all four of my exams in one day, if only I could have that one very, very important day off.
Today in lecture, I got bored and used my iPod Touch to go on the internet. I discovered that my friend's cousin who goes to York posted on Facebook that she had her last exam on the 28th of May. Naturally, I assumed that this must mean the Winter Term Examination Schedule had been posted on the school's website. Previously, I'd been told that two of my courses were having in-class exams in order to free up examination time for us, which was very kind of those two professors. It was because of this that I was optimistic that I wouldn't have an exam on the 27th of May, because it stands to reason that the less exams you have, the less days the exams will take up and thereby increasing my chances of having May 27th off. Eagerly, I logged onto my student account to look at my exam schedule and nearly burst into heartbroken tears in the middle of my lecture. I should have known better. Nothing good can ever happen to me while I'm a student in this pit of despair. It's Ashleigh's Law: No good can come to any human being who attends York University. They should put that in high school science textbooks. Of course I would have an exam on the 27th of May. Of course it would be the class I resent the most. Of course it would be the class I'm the worst at. Of course it would be smack-dab in the middle of the day rather than early in the morning so I have no chance of spending a full day with Chris.
I was so upset. I tried to listen to my professor and get through the rest of the day but I couldn't. Holding back the sobs was agonizing. I just texted Chris that I was leaving and hopped on the bus to go back to my grandparents'.
I was so looking forward to just changing into my pajamas and covering myself with my blankets and sobbing until I fell asleep, but I couldn't even do that when I got back. I walked in the door and my grandma commented on how early I was getting back, so I lied and told her my second class was cancelled. Then she gave me this guilty look when I went to go into my room and I was immediately suspicious. I walked in to find both my grandma and grandpa and my aunt sitting in my room watching the Portuguese soap opera. Apparently, Trinity (the 9 year old brat I mentioned in my last post) kicked them out of the living room because she wanted to watch her shows so they decided to violate my privacy while I wasn't there and without asking permission to watch the soap opera. The fact that my grandma gave me a guilty look when I walked in just proves that she knew it was wrong and did it anyway. I was so mad, I texted Chris and fumed about it. He texted me back, saying that that's my space and they need to respect that. I added that they shouldn't let a 9 year old run their house, either. I ended up having to bite back my tears and pretend to be happy for a half-hour longer while I watched some stupid show of Trinity's in the living room and listen to her gab about her stupid Pokémon cards.
I'm also not looking forward to getting up at 6:30am tomorrow to go to my two hour East Asian Studies tutorial. In the wise words of Ferris Bueller; "I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist-anarchists and that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car." Ah, Ferris Bueller, how I love thee.
It's not like I have anything to look forward to afterwards, either. My friend Jacquelyn and I usually hang out between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but knowing her, she'll probably just cancel on me again, leaving me to wander around campus alone and sad for four hours. If she doesn't cancel, she'll spend four hours complaining about her ex boyfriend. He just dumped her a little while ago and while I want to be a good, supportive friend and help her through everything she's going through, I also just want to scream at her to shut up and move on with her damn life sometimes. It's not like he was a big loss. He was emotionally abusive and used her before throwing her away. She's all like "I'm so mad at him. He's already trying to pick up other girls at bars and we haven't been broken up for a full week yet, but I still really want to be his friend..." She needs a fucking backbone. Forget about the abusive bastard who destroyed you, pick yourself up and heal, then go find someone who appreciates you and loves you unconditionally. She's a nice girl, she really is, but I'm getting so tired of listening to her problems that she won't try to fix.
Also, a friend messaged me today saying her mother just got laid-off. This friend and her mother already have money problems, so this is devastating for them. I felt bad because I wasn't at my computer when she sent me the message and I'm afraid she'll be angry with me because she thinks I ignored her. I'm going to try to wait for her to come online again and explain, but she's on the computer at weird hours and I have to go to bed early tonight to be up for 6:30am tomorrow.
Ugh, I want to go to Guelph and start my own life there where no one knows me so badly! Even if I can't go to Guelph next year, I'll still be moving out closer to campus so that HAS to be better than this misery.
In my last post, I mentioned that my school went on strike this year for three months and because of this, they've extended the school year until June. Apart from loathing York for this fact in itself and wanting to strangle every single person on Facebook whose statuses are "My last exam today!" and "I'm officially done my first year of university!" for (indirectly) rubbing my misery in my face, this also means that I will still be in school on May 27th. If you remember my last post, you'll know that May 27th is my one year anniversary with Chris. The first year is a very important milestone and I wanted nothing more than to spend all day with him and celebrate. I've been excited about this anniversary since we had our six month anniversary and had all kinds of things planned for that day.
The only way I could get around being in Toronto on our anniversary was if none of my exams happened to fall on the 27th and I could go home for the day and celebrate Chris' and my anniversary. Ever since I found out that I wouldn't get out of school in the middle of April and that my exams ran from the middle of May to the beginning of June, I had hoped and prayed that the 27th would not be taken up with an exam. That was the only day I wanted off. I would have taken any other day gladly; even all four of my exams in one day, if only I could have that one very, very important day off.
Today in lecture, I got bored and used my iPod Touch to go on the internet. I discovered that my friend's cousin who goes to York posted on Facebook that she had her last exam on the 28th of May. Naturally, I assumed that this must mean the Winter Term Examination Schedule had been posted on the school's website. Previously, I'd been told that two of my courses were having in-class exams in order to free up examination time for us, which was very kind of those two professors. It was because of this that I was optimistic that I wouldn't have an exam on the 27th of May, because it stands to reason that the less exams you have, the less days the exams will take up and thereby increasing my chances of having May 27th off. Eagerly, I logged onto my student account to look at my exam schedule and nearly burst into heartbroken tears in the middle of my lecture. I should have known better. Nothing good can ever happen to me while I'm a student in this pit of despair. It's Ashleigh's Law: No good can come to any human being who attends York University. They should put that in high school science textbooks. Of course I would have an exam on the 27th of May. Of course it would be the class I resent the most. Of course it would be the class I'm the worst at. Of course it would be smack-dab in the middle of the day rather than early in the morning so I have no chance of spending a full day with Chris.
I was so upset. I tried to listen to my professor and get through the rest of the day but I couldn't. Holding back the sobs was agonizing. I just texted Chris that I was leaving and hopped on the bus to go back to my grandparents'.
I was so looking forward to just changing into my pajamas and covering myself with my blankets and sobbing until I fell asleep, but I couldn't even do that when I got back. I walked in the door and my grandma commented on how early I was getting back, so I lied and told her my second class was cancelled. Then she gave me this guilty look when I went to go into my room and I was immediately suspicious. I walked in to find both my grandma and grandpa and my aunt sitting in my room watching the Portuguese soap opera. Apparently, Trinity (the 9 year old brat I mentioned in my last post) kicked them out of the living room because she wanted to watch her shows so they decided to violate my privacy while I wasn't there and without asking permission to watch the soap opera. The fact that my grandma gave me a guilty look when I walked in just proves that she knew it was wrong and did it anyway. I was so mad, I texted Chris and fumed about it. He texted me back, saying that that's my space and they need to respect that. I added that they shouldn't let a 9 year old run their house, either. I ended up having to bite back my tears and pretend to be happy for a half-hour longer while I watched some stupid show of Trinity's in the living room and listen to her gab about her stupid Pokémon cards.
I'm also not looking forward to getting up at 6:30am tomorrow to go to my two hour East Asian Studies tutorial. In the wise words of Ferris Bueller; "I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist-anarchists and that still wouldn't change the fact that I don't have a car." Ah, Ferris Bueller, how I love thee.
It's not like I have anything to look forward to afterwards, either. My friend Jacquelyn and I usually hang out between classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but knowing her, she'll probably just cancel on me again, leaving me to wander around campus alone and sad for four hours. If she doesn't cancel, she'll spend four hours complaining about her ex boyfriend. He just dumped her a little while ago and while I want to be a good, supportive friend and help her through everything she's going through, I also just want to scream at her to shut up and move on with her damn life sometimes. It's not like he was a big loss. He was emotionally abusive and used her before throwing her away. She's all like "I'm so mad at him. He's already trying to pick up other girls at bars and we haven't been broken up for a full week yet, but I still really want to be his friend..." She needs a fucking backbone. Forget about the abusive bastard who destroyed you, pick yourself up and heal, then go find someone who appreciates you and loves you unconditionally. She's a nice girl, she really is, but I'm getting so tired of listening to her problems that she won't try to fix.
Also, a friend messaged me today saying her mother just got laid-off. This friend and her mother already have money problems, so this is devastating for them. I felt bad because I wasn't at my computer when she sent me the message and I'm afraid she'll be angry with me because she thinks I ignored her. I'm going to try to wait for her to come online again and explain, but she's on the computer at weird hours and I have to go to bed early tonight to be up for 6:30am tomorrow.
Ugh, I want to go to Guelph and start my own life there where no one knows me so badly! Even if I can't go to Guelph next year, I'll still be moving out closer to campus so that HAS to be better than this misery.
